all over the place

this post is a directionless rant about what’s on my mind right now

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new mac demarco album was fun to listen to

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i did this art thing

look at this painting i painted

also this

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i drove up the canyon alone to be emotional and sit with my thoughts and stuff

i walked around and took photos with my phone

river and rock

bench

bridge

sign

creepy bridge

i stuck my hands in the water

it was snowing

no music, no words spoken, no company

i was a bit lonely

i let my eyes adjust instead of walking around with a flashlight

I stuck my hands in the water, hoping to feel something. all I got was numb

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when i got back in the car, had a little shiver, took a deep breath, then drove home

drove home with the windows down and the heater on full blast

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“it makes sense that it should be this way

that you slowly fade

and yet still remain”

-fly away by poe

but i don’t want to give up and let go, i still want to fix things, i want to feel better

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i miss worrying about gluten

i miss a lot of things

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these are lunch poems i typed this week

*how you made me feel*

when i was a kid i’d put a fancy hose attachment on the hose that sprayed a mist upward and i’d get soap and jump on the trampoline with the water going and it was so much fun

lynsie is my therapist

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i love my aunt natalie, she listens and gives good hugs

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i watched my little cousin play fortnite, and even though i wanted to try a round, i just let him play instead of asking if i could have a turn

maybe i need to work on being more assertive

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i’ve drafted so many texts to try to reach out and talk to her, but i don’t know how to say what i want to say, and im scared, so i keep waiting another day and another day.

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one of my old friends reached out to see how i was doing. it was really sweet, and made my day

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i really enjoy local concerts

i went to one with two friends, i drove, it was kinda by salt lake city

it was this girl named mads, and i didn’t know any of the words to her songs, but it was still so much fun

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after the concert finished we went back to my house and i made my two friends quesadillas

we sat around and listened to music and talked, and played with my cat and dog, and it was just a really pleasant night

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perfect even, these two friends were perfect for me that night, they’re both thoughtful and intelligent and fun to talk to and just cool people, i love you guys

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here’s a list of things i’m good at

• changing camera batteries really fast

• getting a single pill from my lactase bottle first try

• pressing the open sunroof button without looking

• archery for some reason(i did it one year at scout camp and was the best in that week)

• tying my shoelaces real fast

• cooking salmon (reverse sear with oranges and lemon peels, it’s very tasty)

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i like my cat, but he wakes up before me, and he’s really playful in the mornings, so it’s annoying when i’m trying to sleep

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my mom keeps asking if i’m okay, i usually say yes, and a lot of the time im lying

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i watched lars and the real girl today

it was really sweet, i liked it, would recommend

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i’m starting to gain some weight back

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its almost midnight and im sleep deprived already, so im going to go to bed

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this is the end of my directionless rant, thank you for watching, see you next time